The Skill of Relaxation
Just relax …
Lie down and relax …
Uh
Your body doesn't work this way - it’s like someone yelling at you “Stay calm!” expecting you to actually calm down …
When I was pregnant with my second baby, my massage therapist told me I needed to relax my lower back. For the life of me, I had no idea what he was talking about. I was not aware, not an iota, that I was doing something with my lower back and therefore needed to “relax” it. Can you relate?
So why “relaxing” doesn’t always work?
After 8 years of using the Feldenkrais Method® and over a hundred people in my class, on my table and in my hands, I know that relaxation is a skill. It’s ok if you can’t simply lie down and relax – but I am sure you can learn to do it. It simply requires practice, and I’ll show you how.
Whether it’s a shared emotional state, our desire to have everything under control and difficulties with letting go, or long-standing muscular habits – every person’s reasons are different. But that’s what I can distil:
1. First of all, you need to learn to take care of your comfort. It’s not selfish: your comfort is your responsibility
Practice: it means using padding and support when you lie down. A folded towel under your head. A roller under your knees. Something nice to hold in your hands. If you are on your back, is it better with your knees bent and feet standing? Do you need a pillow between your knees if you are on your side?
2. Once you start taking care of your comfort, you’ll discover that there are layers. Can it be more comfortable? Become a Goldilocks and find out what’s just right.
Practice: do you need thicker padding under your head? Or better off with a bit thinner one? The roller under your knees, does it need to be bigger? (Roll a blanket around it) Do you need another one under your ankles? (Roll another towel).
After you know how being truly comfortable feels, you can relax even more using the following steps:
3. Investigate what supports you well: letting go when you know what keeps holding the fort when you are relaxing will be easier.
Practice: feel the floor or other surface underneath you. Do you allow it to support you as fully as possible? Imagine your skeleton inside you, visualise the support you get from your bones. If you are on your back and your feet are standing, move them closer/further and figure out what is the best “skeletal architecture” that allows you to use minimal effort.
4. Use your breath. It doesn’t need to be any particular type of breathing. Focus on how you breathe.
Practice: put one hand on your belly and listen to the way your hand travels up and down. Put another hand on your chest above your breast and listen to the sensations here. Notice whether your back is pressing slightly more into the floor. Imagine how the breath changes your shape three-dimensionally.
5. Move. That’s right, you can use gentle movements to support relaxation.
Practice: gently start rocking your pelvis. Allow your tailbone to come closer to the floor, then lift it away and allow your lower back to gently press into the floor. Then come back to your neutral position and see whether you can let go even more. Move again, slowly and find an enjoyable range. Notice how this movement changes your contact with the floor, allowing your whole self to be engaged.
Again, it's ok if it doesn't work out immediately. Learning to relax is a process.
Approach it playfully, comfortably and with curiosity. And when in doubt - look at a baby or a cat. We have so much to learn from them!
Happy experimenting! And if you would like to try a class where we apply and train all these skills, simply check out this page and get in touch.
Photo by Elena Kotli - you MUST book a session with her if you are in Waikato :)