"The Pain Was Controlling Me ..."

Tere sat in my room and I was hearing the words “insomnia”, “fibromyalgia” and “chronic fatigue syndrome”. But the most frequent word was “PAIN”. The pain was dominating her and governing about 60% of her life. She was taken care of by her doctors and taking a handful of medications that she didn’t always appreciate the side effects of. Trying to find other ways to support herself, she went to see a massage therapist who recommended her to see me as a Feldenkrais® practitioner. We worked together for nearly a year because Tere preferred to have time between her sessions to digest, let it settle and come back when she was ready for more. But this is how Tere’s transformational story went on, in her own words:

“The pain was controlling me

and the lack of sleep was just exhausting! It was one of the reasons I had to cut down to part-time work. The pain would govern what I did, and there were so many things I couldn’t do: after spending some time with my family and having fun with my grandchildren I always had to recuperate, because the pain was debilitating.

My massage therapist would relieve my pain for a little while, and then I’d go back ... and after a few times he got really frustrated as I kept fronting up with the same problem, and he recommended I get in touch with Alina – at that point, I had never heard of her or the Feldenkrais movement ...

I was rather desperate …

I was rather desperate, and what Alina offered at our initial consultation was different, I hadn’t tried anything like that. Obviously, what I was doing till that point wasn’t working, so I thought I needed another approach and gave it a go.

During the time I worked with Alina, I became informed and grew: it’s maybe a cliché, but I started taking responsibility. I think it was the holistic aspect of our work together that helped me to be in control of my needs and talk to my GP when I needed a change or extra input. It helped!

I started noticing changes after the first couple of visits …

Alina originally suggested having a program of ten sessions back-to-back (weekly), but I was hesitant as I preferred to have some time in between. We spread the sessions out and it worked much better. I don’t like information overload; I needed to pause and absorb and understand. Although I started noticing changes after the first couple of visits (I was able to cut my pain-killers in half and my sleep improved), it took us almost a year – it was a whole new philosophy, a whole new thing to me, even though I’ve done some yoga, meditation and stuff like that before.

For example, after about two visits to see Alina, I realised one of my problems was that I used too much force when I was active; like when I opened a door, I would actually use half of my body. Now I go with “Less is more”, the whole LESS thing is very important to me. I don’t feel like I’ve just climbed Everest and I am still doing well: things for my fitness and health don’t need to be crazy. “Less is more” was a big thing. I used to think I want to do more, “More is more”, but now I think it’s better to do less happily and well.

The biggest thing is being in charge of myself and my pain.

I’d been on a downward spiral and used a lot of negative self-talk. Alina gave me a book on pain management that explained the concepts of “Danger In Me” and “Safety In Me”, and I still use these concepts frequently. When pain suddenly presents, I say to myself: you are not in danger, and sometimes symptoms are gone. My self-talk is now more positive than negative, and it is something that definitely came from Alina. I suppose the biggest thing is being in charge of myself and my pain. I go slower now; I choose and take my time and I am more deliberate.

I think now that the painkillers are a temporary solution to break the cycle, but unfortunately, we are not given a roadmap on how to get off them, it’s not a part of an average GP’s conversation.

She listened first and then shaped our session around what she’d heard.

Alina has a great personality for the job she does: she’s very open and compassionate, she was always starting with what suited me best (for example, do I lie down or sit up at that particular day), at my pace … It was not “bang-bang-bang, we are going to do it this way”. She’s an amazing listener, she listened first and then shaped our session around what she’d heard.

Also, the audios she gave me to do at home and the feedback I was getting on them were great. During one of the lockdowns, I was feeling very sore and low, and I played one of the audios, lying on my mat with a bolster, and just listened ... without doing anything, and it calmed me down. It was like doing meditation. I also found Alina’s accent quite soothing and easy to understand.

I feel in control and I can calm my blood pressure down.

I had a history of high blood pressure: 5 years ago, all of a sudden, I needed medication to control it. Now, I’ve halved my blood pressure medication and when I feel a bit rushed, I can lie down and breathe and get it down to 120-110 just like that. I feel in control and I can calm my blood pressure down.

Alina was using different approaches: there were our sessions, the workbook, follow up emails, the audios …

Alina was using different approaches: there were our sessions, the workbook, follow up emails, the audios, and some videos explaining to me how things in my body work … she was ready to provide me with any missing pieces of information I needed – everything shaped around what I wanted.

While some exciting changes happened quickly in the beginning, somewhere halfway things plateaued a bit and I was thinking sometimes that it was too much effort, it wasn’t working, my self-doubt was creeping in again ... but I stuck with it and realised that no, it all was working, it was definitely worthwhile. One day I came to our session feeling that I was back to day one, I thought I’d lost everything, all the progress. Alina used the words “flare-up” instead and told me it’s ok to have an occasional flare-up, nothing was lost, we were just going from where I was at that day.

We worked on different ways to use my body and movement, explored different approaches to pain. She gave me information and resources to refer to – not just like you listen to someone and get an information overload, and then it goes out of the window. I think it was that multipronged approach that helped. And there was a gradual change in me.

I can live my life and happily do things with it … my mind and body function more in unison now.

If I am specific about the results, my pain that used to be about 60% of my life now came down to about 20%, and this is very manageable: I can live my life and happily do things with it. I am much more informed about managing pain, I continue to improve my sleep, my self-talk is more positive, I am calmer, and the general shift to the “Less is more” philosophy is an important part of my overall wellbeing.

It also made me more open to trying new things. At the same time, I went to different yoga evenings, and there was the kundalini yoga, that’s more chanting – a couple of years ago I’d be frustrated “this is no good for me”, but now I was open to that and I had some epiphanies during the two or three sessions I went to. I wish I’d discovered this twenty years ago, but I wouldn’t have been ready - I would have thought it was rubbish! Our working together did bring about certain mindsets, like acceptance and peace and made me more open to other things. I think my mind and body function more in unison now.

She helps release the physical knot and the mental knot comes with it.

I would definitely recommend Alina’s work for people who have insomnia or pain, any kind of imbalance in their life, be it physical, spiritual or emotional. It helped balance me, and that’s something that will carry on with me forever. My life is more balanced. I also think it would be very beneficial for people with post-traumatic stress (PTSD), people who feel tied up in a little knot and they don’t know why: when you feel tied up in knots, it is mental and physical isn’t it? She helps release the physical knot and the mental knot comes with it.

Alina is like a guide who helps people see they have options and choices; she provides a range of information and tools, not simply solving your problems for you. It’s about helping and empowering people to help themselves, showing them choices and putting them in touch with resources.

Thank you Alina, I am grateful for our time together  ~ Tere :)